Depressed.

You know it's just one of those days... It's my final year of med school and simple questions I cannot even answer... I feel depressed. I was almost in tears. Tears because of anger and how stupid I feel. Perhaps, I am just a drama queen...

步步惊心

The to-watch drama series of the year:

Song of the day...

Love K-pop mv clips- most of the time, they actually have quite a good storyline and choreography...

Funny thing of the day

The character in the video bears an uncanny resemblance to some people in my life...

Happy Chinese New Year

新年快乐!
恭喜发财!
萬事如意!
 

Shopping list

When I get back to Sydney, there are a few things on my shopping list:

- Embryolisse Lait Creme Concentrate: touted by make up artists, models, celebs alike as the HG base/ moisturiser/ primer.

- Bioderma Sebium: micellar cleanser- no rinse, gentle on skin formula that can be used as cleanser/ toner/ makeup remover

- Avene Thermal  Facial Spray: from the French fountains of youth,ordained by the French government as to having medicinal properties. Used as toner/ setting makeup.

- L'oreal UV Protect in Anti-Dullness: Asia-exclusive product combines a purple tinted base to combat against the sallowness of Asian yellow-toned skin and sunscreen.

- Clarisonic: exfoliator endorsed by Oprah and a legion of celebs. What more can I say?

- Shiseido Molip: voted as top lip balm on cosme.net for consecutive years.

On the quest for:

- Bihaku cream
- Liquid foundation
- BB cream
- Neutral eyeshadow palette
- Charcoal mask 
- Serum

Song of the day

Aqua- Barbie Girl.

They say she's the anti-feminist. They say she perpetuates unattainable standards. They say she's too perfect to exist.

As a kid, I had around 20 Barbie dolls in my collection along with the hundreds of outfits, pink barbie house, pink barbie speed boat, pink caravan, pink convertible... I gave most of my Barbie on my 18th birthday as a symbolic farewell to my childhood and youth... The collector dolls I gave them away on my 21st. I really do hope that they are in good hands.

You always read about how Barbie perpetuates negative body image, low self-esteem, eating disorders etc. On a similar tangent, giving girls Baby Born dolls, kitchen sets, cooking sets etc moulds them into Stepford housewives... Quite honestly, I don't agree... I think Barbies  promote creative thinking, role-playing, and social interactivity. Each to their own...

Quote of the day

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want—an adorable pancreas? 

The Snake Has All the Lines (1958)

Song of the day...

Silent All These Years-
This song perfectly captures the feelings kept silent all these years. Evokes so many memories. Inspired my one of my favourite fairy tales- Hans Christian Andersen's Little Mermaid.

Song of the day

Dance, dance, dance....



Admittedly, love Pitbull... Love the beat. Love the rhythm. Love the music.

My Country

Today whilst walking to hospital, I realised the beauty of the rugged landscape of the Australian outback. It made me think of this poem:

My Country by Dorothea Mackellar - 1885-1968, written in 1904

The love of field and coppice,
Of green and shaded lanes.
Of ordered woods and gardens
Is running in your veins,
Strong love of grey-blue distance
Brown streams and soft dim skies
I know but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror –
The wide brown land for me!

A stark white ring-barked forest
All tragic to the moon,
The sapphire-misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon.
Green tangle of the brushes,
Where lithe lianas coil,
And orchids deck the tree-tops
And ferns the warm dark soil.

Core of my heart, my country!
Her pitiless blue sky,
When sick at heart, around us,
We see the cattle die -
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again
The drumming of an army,
The steady, soaking rain.

Core of my heart, my country!
Land of the Rainbow Gold,
For flood and fire and famine,
She pays us back threefold -
Over the thirsty paddocks,
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness
That thickens as we gaze.

An opal-hearted country,
A wilful, lavish land -
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand -
Though earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country
My homing thoughts will fly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


On another note, as much as I admire this rugged landscape- the >40 degree temperatures and constant A/C are causing havoc to my skin- overwhelmingly oily T zone, dry patches on cheeks, parched lips, itchy itchy skin... Argh... Hence, I have cut back down to simple skincare... Makeup is going to go on hiatus for the next fortnight...

When I get back to Sydney, I will have to start whitening products again. Despite the sunscreen, long sleeves, attempts to stay indoors as much as possible, I am beginning to tan... NOOOOO.....

Like the desert misses the rain...

Arrived in Broken Hill following a 16 hour trip... During the last leg of the journey, I did not venture near the toilet as the driver informed us the previous passenger in the morning had defecated along the walls, floor, bowl of the toilet and hand basin... OMG!!!!!! Apparently this is the second time its happened to the same passenger.

So I survived on 1L of water the whole day... OMG.

My skin is so parched and dehydrated coupled by the desert like weather and I haven't been eating well either. This morning for breakfast, I had a yoghurt covered oats/ museli bar that was marketed as being 'healthy' and 'organic'- had around 16g of fat and 23 g of sugar... OMG. Lunch- had instant noodles and 2 pears. Then went on a 1.5 hour trip to Menindee. Dinner: Tuna sandwich.

HG worthy product saved my skin: Avene Thermal Facial Spray.

Song of the day:

High Tea

Ohh la la...

Yum

High tea experience at QVB tea room: dainty tea cups, tasty cakes, beautiful décor.
Cannot think of a better way to the spend the afternoon.

Gong 2

Love triangles.Unrequitted love. Star-crossed lovers. A  Qing dynasty story arc that overlaps with 'Boys before flowers' i.e. Shan Cai, Hua Zi Lei, Dao Ming Shi...

I absolutely loved Gong in 2011, the sequel is coming out in 2012... Absolutely cannot wait...

Song of the day

Hilariously disturbing... Man in the middle is by the name of Kirroki- a Japanese westler/ comedian.. Love the outfit... This song is in the style of para para.

Song of the day

I have always wondered about the meaning of the song... Is it about love? Addiction to drugs? Hauntingly beautiful...

"Windflowers my father told me not to go near them 

He feared them always said they carried him away 

Windflowers I couldn't wait to touch them to smell them, I held them closely 

Now I cannot break away

Their sweet bouquet disappears like a vapor in the desert 

Take a warning, son 

Windflowers their beauty captures every young dreamer who lingers near them ancient windflowers, I love you "

Foundation brushes

1. Ecotools foundation brush. This is the traditional paddle shaped brush used but I find that it gives quite a streaky finish.


2.  Mac 187 Duofibre brush. I bought this brush on the whim after hearing all the raves about how it gives the perfect airbrush finish but it is time consuming and I find that I use a lot of product with it. Plus, I hate the smell of natural hair brushes- smells really 'funky' after washing... Ewww... Furthermore, it is quite time-consuming with application and in the morning, I only have a 10-15 minute time limit for makeup application...

3. Ecotools bronzer brush: I use it like a kabuki brush for applying my 2 way pact. Was my go to brush in the past.


4.  Shiseido perfect foundation brush 131. This is currently my HG foundation brush. Upon first glance, I was disappointed with the small size as I thought that it would take more time to apply. Boy, was I wrong... All it takes is the right techniques as shown in the videos below... Use it to apply liquid, cream or powder foundations. Applies like a dream and gives a nice natural finish... Am absolutely enamoured with this brush!!!!

How To Videos:




http://www.shiseido.co.jp/beauty/season/feature/foundation-10823-3.html

Quote of the day

Beauty without intelligence is a masterpiece painted on a napkin...

My mood today

Quote of the day

The Swan (1956) starring Grace Kelly

Prince Albert: Your father used to call you his swan, so I am told. I think that's a good thing to remember. Think what it means to be a swan. To glide like a dream on the smooth surface of the lake, and never go to the shore. On dry land, where ordinary people walk, the swan is awkward, even ridiculous. When she waddles up the bank she painfully resembles a different kind of bird, n'est-ce-pas?

Princess Alexandra: A goose.

Prince Albert: I'm afraid so. And there she must stay, out on the lake; silent, white, majestic. Be a bird, but never fly; know one song but never sing it until the moment of death. And so it must be for you, Alexandra. Cool indifference to the staring crowds along the bank. And the song? Never.

My mood today

Awful day today. Riding the crimson wave. Randomly came across this song on my mp3 player: Dr Feel Good by Rania. V. catchy. Love the beat. Amusing medical jargon references. Quite a risque MV clip according to Asian MV standards...

25 THINGS

Out of boredom, I began reading the note on 25 things written back in 09 and realised how much has changed over these past 2 years. Here's a nod to the upcoming year of 2012...


1. ISFJ: I am an ISFJ according to the Myers Briggs personality test. My personality type is 'The Nurturer', described as: 'quiet, unassuming, responsible, loyal, compassionate, kind, caring, patient, controlled orderly outer life, hard worker, perseverant' ... And of course, there are flaws but why dwell on the negatives in life?

2.Helena Rubeinstein was right, 'There's no such thing as an ugly woman, only a lazy one'. I wish I had understood this during my teens, maybe then I wouldn’t have been plagued by demons of self- doubt and poor self-esteem. True beauty is from within, but it can also be enhanced by the helping hand of cosmetics, styling and impeccable grooming… If I only lived by these words….

3.Favourite fragrances: Philosophy's Amazing Grace, Dior's Diorissimo.

4.Book that changed my life: Too Close To The Falls by Catherine Gildiner (memoir of a girl growing up in the 50s, read it when I was highschool) Her mother once told her, 'never learn to cook or type or you'd be requested to do both against your will forever.. For every seam you iron there will be fifty you wish you hadn't bothered doing….' And I lived true to her wise words till uni: where I had to iron work clothes and this year, learn how to cook. In fact, cooking is an essential life skill when away from home. I was literally on the brink of tears during my first placement away from home due to my non-existent culinary skills. Second time around, I learnt how to cook rice ( I can cook rice using a stove pot, but prefer a rice cooker…), stir fries… Heck, I even cooked for others and my cooking is actually edible and will not give you food poisoning… Though, of course, much improvement is needed….

5. Book: Making Faces by Kevin Aucoin. I remember reading it back in high school, I was in awe of his magical makeup skills. I came across it again recently and his words resonated deeply, ' They say normally only 10 percent of the human brain is ever used. I believe this is often true of our hearts and spirits as well. I believe that we are here on this planet to make the most of what we've got and who we are, and contribute to the world so it's a little better when we leave it. I'm not saying that putting on makeup will change the world or even your life, but it can be a first step in learning things about yourself you may never have discovered otherwise'.


6. Favourite colour: Red. Favourite nail polish: Revlon's Valentino, Blackberry. Favourite lipstick: Givenchy's Oriental Red. Favourite dress: Zara red number.

7. I have realised that dogs are truly lovable creatures- if they like you, they are friendly, loyal, good companions. My fear of dog stems from this incident as a kid: I was in this nursing home which had this fat Labrador ( fat because it probably feasted on all the food scraps given by nursing home residents, in fact, even the cats there were fat). I wanted to pat it, but it perhaps felt threatened by the invasion of his/her space. The Labrador ended up chasing me around the entire nursing home. I really thought that it was going to bite my ass off… I ended up hiding in one of the nursing home resident's wardrobe for quite a while…

8. Bitchiest moment this year: (on train from Kempsey to Sydney- was sleep deprived, stressed and worried about upcoming exams, did not eat properly for the past month, AC on that particular carriage was not working, I was perspiring like a pig…) Man: So, where are heading to? Me: Sydney. Man: Where abouts in Sydney. Me: Just Sydney. I was so ashamed of myself that I requested to be changed to another carriage. I am sure people were 'tsk, tsk, tsking' at me… I apologise for my improper conduct.


9. First Youtube beauty video watched: Cl2425's Natural Flawless Makeup. This video initiated my obsession with makeup.

10. Favourite Youtube beauty gurus: BeautyQQ, Cl2425, From Head to Toe, IsadoraCheng, AvaLiu, Bubzbeauty, Michelle Phan, Raeview, Beautifymeeh. Favourite beauty blogs: My Womens Stuff, A Touch of Blusher, Ratzilla Cosme, Makeup for Life, Raeviewer, Rouge Deluxe.


11. Alcohol is not an antidote to insomnia. Jotting down all my worries and meditation actually works.


12. Obsessions: Mr Schuester from Glee, Goo Jyun Pyo/ Dao Ming Shi from Boys Before Flowers/ Meteor Garden, Ethan Ruan from Fated to Love You

13. Actually following and enjoying an anime show: Full Metal Alchemist.

14. Songs I will play in my car and sing on top of my lungs when alone: Madonna's Like a Virgin, Human League's Don't You Want Me,  Rocky Horror Show, Eric Carmen's All By Myself, Dolly Parton’s I will always love you, Leo Sayer’s I love you more than I can say, Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight, assorted Queen , assorted ABBA  , assorted Bee Gees, assorted Carpenter songs.

15. Mary Kay once said, 'Fake it till you make it'.

16. I had once written a letter to a friend, thanking her for teaching me about life and medicine in general. I wished I had sent it. I held back because I thought it was too 'corny' and 'cheesy'. Now I will never have the chance… I have realised that in life, you should always take the time to appreciate and thank those around you.

17. I find it easier to express myself on paper than in person.

18. It's surprising that people on first encounter, think that I am relatively calm and composed. In fact, I am bit high strung and too easily excitable. You need to look beyond my façade of composure- a turbulent storm of emotions lies beneath

19. Forget the duckling, become the swan.


20. After a long hard day of hospital, there is nothing better than coming home and watching The Simpsons and Futurama. Even after watching the repeats so many times, it never fails to make me laugh…

21. Favourite fairy tale: The Little Mermaid. Hans Christian Anderson's version not Walt Disney's sickly saccharine version. The Mermaid ended up sacrificing her own life in order to save the life of the one she loves… It's so tragically beautiful that it still brings a tear to my eye…

22. Macbeth: Come what come may, Time and the hour runs through the roughest day.

23. Whenever I eat processed packaged meals. I hear the voice of a past housemate in my head: 'That food is bad, Leesa. A healthy body = healthy mind… Everyone can cook. Those who say otherwise are just lazy..' I will learn how to cook properly from now on...


24. 2011- I learnt a lot of things this year including: how to drive manual (sort of), how to swim (sort of), jet ski (though, I have realised that vision impairment and poor co-ordination should not be coupled with such an extreme sport), how to boil rice, how to cook (sort of), what to do if you have been robbed, watch Chinese mandarin dramas without needing subs, the need to be more assertive (don't do passive- aggression- doesn't work), been on a farm (truly an eye-opening experience), gotten over my fears of dogs, gotten over my fear of deep water (I still hate being fully submerged in deep water), drove a header, how beautiful a sunset is (after the rain in Dubbo one day, I went outside and looked up at the skies, it was a beautiful mosaic of yellow, orange and purple, followed by a rainbow…), how precious a weekend sleep-in is , importance of good communication in both your personal and professional life, people are sometimes the result of their circumstances ( judge not lest ye be judged )



25. Goals for the upcoming year: learn how to swim properly, sky dive, pass my exams, be more organised and study and prepare earlier- do not give in to the temptations of procrastination, finding my HOLY GRAIL foundation and concealer, project HIT PAN, live life a bit 'dangerously'- it's nice to sometimes relinquish a bit of control and let pandemonium take over for a while, be more assertive- no more wall flower!, blog more regularly, take cooking lessons or maybe learn how to cook from my mum, learn how to sew and make a garment from scratch- I want to dress like those ladies from Mad Men, learn how to say 'NO!', express my thoughts and emotions more freely- be less reticent, reserved and hesitant , be less impressionable, live life in the moment- carpe diem!, read more books apart from medical textbooks, bake a cake and cookies (I have promised a number of people and they have still been waiting for a number of years), be a better person.