Grand scheme of things

' Buy the ticket, take the ride..'  (Hunter S Thompson)

In life, there is nothing worse than uncertainty, waiting and making decisions...

Uncertainty

The theme seems to recur every six years in my life. I remember in high school, there was an attempt to capture class of 2006' parting words. They asked me to describe my future, my reply: 'uncertainty'. Again, this uncertainty is here . Everywhere I go, everyone  I talk to, has a direction, they talk of a brilliant dream of where they will be in the next 10 years, working at their dream hospital, in their dream career, living their dream... When I ask myself the same question, all I can say is that I want to be happy and content, doing what I love... But you know what, it's these unquantifiable dreams that are the hardest to attain. At least, with tangible/ material goals, there is a post to aim for. After that, you can just set the goal post even further...

Waiting

Birthing unit. Motherhood is a wonderful calling. However, I am just not sure it's for me... Despite, being fed on these Disney fantasies of a prince charming, happily ever after... This whole motherhood she-bang frightens me. Pregnancy scares me. Labour scares me. The whole prospect scares me. I am currently waiting for a birth. I pray to God that the baby will pop its head out soon...

Decisions

The whole of yesterday was spent deliberating over a decision that I had probably decided on since the beginning of this year. However, I was swayed by what others were saying, were doing and had decided on. Sure, I could just follow the pack... But deep down, I knew what I wanted. Even God was on my side. 6 times the coin was flipped on Bankstown. Why did I mope around the whole week, deliberating then?

That's why I have decided to 'buy the ticket, take the ride' and let's see where the roller-coaster will take me from here onwards...

After all, I may end up:

A/ Depressed, suicidal, on the brink of a breakdown, living in a mental institution.
B/ Living the humdrum of being a suburban stay at home mum
C/ Joining the sisterhood, devoting my life to God (that was once a childhood dream of mine)
D/ Passing from day to day in my daily job, living each day out
E/ Radiating with happiness and contentment doing what I love!